There is no easy answer to the question, “should you stay together for the children’s sake?” I do believe that we, as parents owe it to our children to put as much effort as possible into making our marriage work. In other words, no parent should divorce without first putting their child’s need for an intact family before their need for a divorce.
Nothing can motivate us to better our situation more than putting another’s needs before our own. It has been my observation that the majority of parents who divorce don’t seek marital therapy before doing so. The relationship goes south and the solution is divorce. A solution that fits their needs but research has shown is difficult for their children.
It is for that reason; the negative effects of divorce on children, that I believe parents should be committed to making sure they create a marriage that is nurturing for not only themselves but their children also. Until you’ve done all you possibly can to make sure your marriage can’t be saved, divorce should not be an option.
Over the last several decades’ research has shown that children benefit tremendously when raised by parents in a healthy marriage. Below are a few of the benefits for children of an intact family.
People divorce for many reasons. If your only reason for divorce is that you’ve “grown apart,” or you are “unhappy” then please, work on your marriage. With marriage comes an obligation, one that means working on the marriage in spite of times of unhappiness or emotional distance between the spouses.
If, however, there is domestic abuse, verbal abuse, addiction or serial infidelity leaving the marriage may be the best thing you can do for your children. In order for children to have healthy relationships, they need to have an example of what a healthy relationship is. If your marriage is full of conflict you are teaching your children lessons that could set them up to fail in future adult relationships.
Those children who grow up with parents who stay married but remain conflicted and hostile toward each other, and those whose parents are in low-conflict marriages and divorce anyway.”
If your marriage is full of conflict, a divorce will benefit your children in many ways. Below are a few reasons it is best to end a high conflict marriage.
Basically, when it comes to divorce and children a parent should do what they know to be in their child’s best interest. In the case of low conflict marriages, it is best to keep the family intact. In the case of high conflict and violent marriages, children fair better if their parent’s divorce. Ultimately the choice belongs to the children.
Please keep this in mind, if your children are happy and secure in their family you should consider their needs when deciding whether or not to divorce. If your children are exposed to constant anxiety due to hostility in your marriage please take into consideration the harm being done to them if you decide to stay in an abusive marriage.