These days, rules for the dating game seem to have changed.
In the past, you met someone, started dating, and a relationship with commitment followed.
Nowadays, it seems that there seems to be a problem of non-commitment in relationships – especially after divorce.
Dating sites and apps have made it simple to meet and communicate without face-to-face interaction. It is easier to disconnect from a new person when communication is done by texts, rather than in person. When a relationship is built without this in-person communication, it can prevent two people from having heart-to-heart conversations and getting to know each other on a deeper level.
There are people who can develop meaningful relationships through apps like Tinder, but the difference is that these people only use digital communication to break the ice and to set up dates. These individuals do not rely on digital technology to sustain a relationship. This cannot be said for most relationships that start online.
There are also serial daters whose relationships last a few months. They crave the chase, and once they get their prize, they end the relationship. Some newly single partners also have trust issues which prevent them from staying in a relationship, especially if their former spouse cheated on them. These individuals assume that it will happen again, and avoid putting themselves in situations where they may be vulnerable. They don’t want to be abandoned or hurt again, so they avoid letting anyone get too close.
Some women also hear their biological clocks ticking. These women jump into the nearest relationship and then wonder why the guy will not commit. They do not realize that the relationship may not have been the best fit for them.
My girlfriends in college were frustrated by their boyfriends’ lack of commitment. They wanted the engagement ring and the sense of security that it brings. The young men they were with were not afraid to commit, but delayed committing until they could provide for their future wives.
These fellows wanted to graduate and find employment before proposing. This scenario can happen later on in life too. It is common for a man to put energy into becoming successful before settling down. Others are changing careers in their forties or fifties and want to focus on a new path after divorce.
Other men think that monogamy is “not natural.” They claim humans are programmed to spread their seed. I run from these types.
A mother once approached me and said non-commitment is a millennial issue. She was concerned about her daughter meeting men who “only wanted to hook up.” Her daughter Marley had many failed dating stories. In one example, Marley and a man spent months texting and flirting via Instagram. He would invite her to a party, and then not get back to her about the details.
Non-commitment in relationships is not just a millennial issue. It is also present in the Baby Boomer generation. Individuals who have been hurt in a relationship can close themselves off to new ones. They may date again, but when they start getting close to a person, they back away. Several divorced women are in this category. They refuse to let themselves love a man again.
Non-commitment in relationships after divorce can be difficult to deal with. What do you do if are in a relationship post-divorce that does not seem to be going anywhere? Communicate your questions and concerns. Ask the other person how they are feeling about you and the relationship. Perhaps they see it more as a close friendship without an attraction. There may not be sparks on both sides. If an individual blows hot or cold or seems to be playing mind games, evaluate if this is someone you really want to have as a partner.